The Undead Demon Vampire Zombie Rabbit
One day while antiquing, I found the most hideous toy rabbit in the universe.
I swear, it's a demonic vampire zombie rabbit--it's so horrific it's cool.
It's German and it's got that sinister look which I associate with German toys.
(Have you ever seen those German Barbie knock-offs that look like murderous hookers?)
Bunnicula's eyes are rimmed with ghoulish reddish orange, and he has 2 tiny little vampire fangs.
He has a wind-up (clockwork) mechanism, he's supposed to lift a carrot up to his mouth,
and chomp on the carrot with his "gin trap" steel jaws.
But when he's holding the carrot up, he looks like he's raring to jam the
carrot stake through the hearts of other vampires.
And when the carrot is down . . . well, it looks just plain obscene.
I just had to waste my $6.50 on that
nasty-looking toy, it's the only rabbit I've seen that's more horrifying than
(my darling pet rabbit that keeps trying to KILL me).
You should have seen the cashier's eyes bug out when I set
that fiendish thing on the counter.
They warned me that if it attacked me while I slept, the antique mall
could NOT be held responsible.
Now granted, Bunnicula is not in brand-spanking-new condition.
He looks a bit the worse for wear.
But even when I try to imagine him in shiny new condition . . . he'd
still have the vampire fangs and the scarlet-rimmed eyes,
the rapacious blood-red tongue and the steel-trap
jaws . . . what kind of culture would produce this thing as a cute fun
toy for happy little children? (Shudder.) Makes me glad I hail from the
land of the free and the home of the brave, where we
have much more wholesome things for our kids to play with
(like sleazy and violent video games).